April 18

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Why Pickup Artist Strategies Will Never Get You Love

Let's be quite honest.

Learning to get good with women can be a frustrating journey.

Every time you start feeling confident about your skills, you come across a new situation, a new dynamic that you’re not prepared for, and get thrown on your ass.

So you dive back into the forums, purchase some more pickup arts books and sign up to more social dynamics courses. Then after a while you dust yourself off and head back into the field, trying to conquer the WOMAN.

Yet again, you eventually come across a new situation and a new dynamic that you’re not prepared for.

And the cycle continues...

More...

It feels like you’re chasing a goal that’s always moving.

That's not all though. Repeating this process is a painful and draining cycle of building up and destroying your confidence.

What if you could give up this nonsense of tactics and strategy? Let’s talk about how the pickup artist industry is perpetuating a problem and selling you the same solution over and over again.

Humanity and The Deep Desire to Find and FIX Problems

As humans, we’ve evolved to find strategies and tactics to solve problems.

It’s what makes us so good at surviving. Instead of using brawn to survive, we rely on our problem solving skills and capacity to create tools and communities to tackle big problems. 

It’s what makes humanity the most creative (and destructive) force on the planet.

This is all fine, as long as we recognize the limitations of our brain's tendency to look for problems and fix them. Because if you don't counterbalance this tendency with patience and awareness, it's easy to forget that real life situations rarely have a perfect solution. 

This sort of thinking is poison to the human ego.

When faced with imperfect information and incomplete solutions, the egoic mind essentially shuts down because it sees a risk to survival. It would rather see a clearly laid out path from A to B with zero unknowns.

Anything else is really uncomfortable. And oh does the ego hate uncomfortable things.

This is how mainstream marketing gets you to buy things. They don't tell you what the product does, they show how their product will get you a result while minimizing your discomfort. Which is fine by the way, as long as the product actually does what they promise.

But let me ask you this - why would they bother making a decent product if you'll buy it anyway using the right psychological triggers? What if they just lure your ego into thinking there's a problem that needs solving, and then sell you the solution to get rid of the discomfort?

They could sell you the same product again and again.

Boom. Limitless profit.

Do you really think people need a new smartphone every year? Or is it just the ego's discomfort of not keeping up with the Joneses and missing out on the hottest new thing?

Do you really think this latest pickup artist product will change anything in your life? Or is it just your ego telling you that this new guide will allow you to avoid the discomfort of being vulnerable in front of a girl?

It’s all bullshit.

(Trust me, I'm a marketer.)

The Perpetual Pickup Artist Marketing Trap

You know that story of the coach who had it rough and they've created this product so you can have the same result easier than they did?

"You too can get the ladies, but only by using the playbook I've constructed from my own bad beats. Available here for only $19.99."

That speaks to us. As men, we've all experienced our fair share of rejection. Some of it painful, embarrassing, or even traumatic.

Then came the pickup artist. Offering strategies and tactics to minimize the pure agony of getting rejected, it was a godsend to the frustrated young man. Now we had a way to formulate a strategy from beginning to end. From meeting the girl to getting her clothes off, every step was planned and accounted for.

We had assumed absolute control.

Dangerous example of a person intoxicated by the fantasy of being able to get "any woman he wants" with emotional manipulation tactics.

Until, of course, someone tried these tactics in real life. We soon realized that these pickup tactics only worked on internet forums and in the boys' club of young aspiring womanizers.

In real life, the poor guys soon realized that there’s far too many variables that they hadn’t accounted for.

No problem! The brave internet warriors would go back and look for a new product to account for those variables. 

  • Mystery method didn’t work because you’re not a sociopath? No worries, here’s the Neil Strauss method.
  • Neil Strauss method didn’t work to get the girl? No worries, here’s a real social dynamics strategy to become a better man.
  • Real social dynamics method is preventing you from going outside to meet women? No worries, here's the Instagram dating blueprint.

All the time, one side is making money, and the other side is permanently one step behind.

The aspiring pickup artist, now slightly cynical after being disappointed with the ever growing list of products he had purchased, grows super careful. He now asks many questions before buying another product, to avoid getting burned again.

But again he's missing the point. The salesman will always have an answer to every question, to please that thirsty ego. In fact, the product is now TAILORMADE to account for all of the client's doubts.

Again, we’re completely in control and the male ego sighs a huge relief.

And again, eventually the product fails to account for everything.

You see the problem? You’re always chasing. You always need a new strategy to keep your ego satisfied.

Thing is, once you go down that road, you’re never going to get there. The only way to win this game is to not play at all.

How The Enigmatic Man Learns and Grows

Okay, so … what makes Enigmatic Man different?

How hypocritical is it of me to sit here preaching about charlatan marketers with their bs advice, all the while doing the same thing myself?

Take a moment to think about James Bond. Do you think he gives one flying fuck about the newest pickup artist tactic?

Our goal here at Enigmatic Man is not to teach you what to think. We want to offer you a way (not the only way, mind) to connect with your inner self, and find a way to unapologetically accept and LOVE even the most embarrassing parts of who you are. Once you’re at peace with who you are, you can express your true self to the world regardless of what others will think.

Then you can take ACTION. Learn by doing. Go out there and be comfortable failing with imperfect information.

Suddenly you no longer need tactics or strategy. Suddenly you’re the one building the world and inviting others to take part in the journey.

It’s kind of a Morpheus thing. We’re not selling you the tools to dodge bullets.

We’re telling you that once you stop playing the game, you won’t have to. You just enjoy the process and watch while amazing people just pop into your life.

Once you stop playing the game, you won’t have to dodge bullets. You just enjoy the process and watch while amazing people just pop into your life. #enigmaticman

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Neo: whoa.

Yes, indeed.

Here’s how it works. Here are some of the common obstacles a man faces on his journey to becoming attractive:

“What do I say to a girl?”

The charlatan marketer method:

The bullshit artist will sell you a pile of scripts, which don’t work. Then they'll sell you another one that doesn't work. Repeat ad nauseum.

The Enigmatic Man method:

At EM, we help you grow into a man who is willing to express himself unapologetically. You will say what's in your mind at the moment, because you trust that it's the correct thing to say. She will love you for your vulnerability and authenticity.

"How can I meet women during the pandemic?"

The charlatan marketer method: 

The bullshit artist will sell you a guide for meeting women in a pandemic, which may or may not work, and may or may not suit you personally.

The Enigmatic Man:

At EM, we help you connect with your deeper desire and motivation for meeting people. You'll realize that women are still women, regardless of world situation. You will simply use whatever communication tool works in the current situation and express your true desires through that tool.

It goes even beyond that.

Once You Stop Looking For Tactics, You Find Love

People who use tactics generally find it really difficult to genuinely connect with women. It’s always a surface level thing. Because women aren’t connecting with you, they’re connecting with the tactic.

The Enigmatic Man speaks directly from his truth. He’s not afraid to get rejected for his personal beliefs. On the contrary - he wants to separate the people who resonate with him on a deeper level from the people who are after something superficial.

Therefore when he does connect with a woman, it will be a true authentic connection.

People aren’t looking to connect with the best tactic or the most optimized strategic answer. People are looking to connect with you as a person. Your creativity, values, ideas and passions.

3 Steps From Chasing Tactics to Natural Attraction

Alright, so how do you shift your thinking and mindset to be less tactic oriented? It’s a three step process that you need to go through every time you’re facing a new dilemma.

1. Accept Your Confusion

First, you must accept the fact that you’re confused and you’re heading into an unfamiliar situation with imperfect information. You are unprepared and nervous. Accept it. Love it. This is what will make you feel alive.

You’ll find yourself confused, scared, frustrated. Petrified to the point of not being able to move. Accept it all and love it. This is where your growth happens.

A great tool for learning acceptance is meditation, which you can read about here.

2. Look Past Your Ego

Your ego will demand to see the proof that this will work. You’ll hear part of your mind going wild trying to put together an action plan with a detailed step-by-step guide from now to the end goal. You’ll hear pre-judgements coming from another part of your mind, telling you you’ll fuck it up if you don’t do it right.

Look past all this. Remind yourself you are safe. You are this moment. You are not the weird thoughts in your head trying to scream at you for possibly screwing up something that hasn’t even happened yet.

Ask yourself:

“Where am I?”

“What am I thinking right now?”

“What is my next thought?”

These questions will snap you out of a thought loop and force you into the moment, if just for a bit.

3. Show Up and Stay in The Room

Look, I’m not gonna tell you to take action. That’s too vague and doesn’t really amount to much when it comes to advice. I hate when people tell me to take action, such a fucking cliché.

Instead, what has helped me in my life is the idea of showing up and staying in the room until a solution presents itself.

For a writer not knowing what to write, this would mean opening an empty document and sitting there. Eventually the writer would have to do something because sitting there gets boring after a while. (Trust me, I'm a writer.)

For an enigmatic man unsure of what to say to girls, this would mean placing yourself into an environment with plenty of hot girls. Be there until something happens.

One time in Barcelona's Plaça de Catalunya I was feeling like bummed out and unsocial, so I just sat down and decided to stay in the space until something happens. 15 minutes of light meditation later I found myself running after a hot Spanish dancer who invited me to watch her dance class.

For a lonely dude stuck in pandemic lockdown with no way to contact women, this might mean sitting still until a solution presents itself. These situations for me are the most exciting ones. You never know what the solution will be. It might be something as outlandish and random as pressing record on the camera and creating a beat-poem, resulting in a woman seeing it and sending you a DM.

Just keep showing up and stay in the uncomfort of not knowing what will happen.

This will change your life.

Your Turn

What kinds of pickup artist products have you purchased because you wanted the latest best solutions out there?

Did they work?

Now you no longer need to be chasing for quick solution products. You now have the ability to focus on the process, focus on doing your thing and trust that the solution will eventually show itself.


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About the Author

Jay is a reluctant copywriter and weekend cabernet sauvignon connoisseur. You'll find him roaming around exotic cities with his wife, meeting strangers in funny little dive bars.

Jay Maverick

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Your 6 Point Roadmap From Frustration to Effortless Attraction