Recently I saw Spencer Cornelia interviewing a pickup artist coach on his channel. Since I respect Spencer and his work, I first thought this coach would be a respectable sort of person, with a healthy attraction oriented mindset towards coaching.
When he started talking about tactics and strategies, I started fearing the worst.
The thing about tactics and strategies is that they only work for guys who don't want to do the inner work to make it possible to genuinely connect with women. Tactics and strategy can only take you surface deep. For anything else, you must show up as yourself.
And that demands outgrowing your ego, which John Anthony clearly has not done.
The more I listened to this guy, the more I got a really sour taste in my mouth.
He said he has over 10000 connections on his phone and he's had success with a 1000 of them. That's a success rate of over 10%, he said boastingly, which apparently is a huge number in the industry.
Now, I don't know what he means by "success" and I don't even dare guess, but this is where my eyes started rolling.
I used to hear pickup artists and dating coaches back in the early Mystery Method days measuring their success by the amount of conquests they have under their belt. Like notches on their war axe. Back then it was a complete boys' club penis-measuring contest.
I thought we'd grown past those days. I guess I was wrong.
It's even worse though. Just think about it.
Firstly, This guy has spent his life gathering and hunting for 10k contacts on his phone. Just imagine the sort of life you have to lead to have the time and energy for that. And 9000 of them he didn't even connect with.
9000 women he used his tactics on and basically failed to manipulate them into "succeeding" with him.
Secondly, 10% seems like a really really low success rate. It's basically on par with the percentage of people who find you attractive anyway. And as a sweet bonus, if you don't use manipulation tactics, you'll find it much easier to connect with those 10% of people.
My success rate is somewhere between 40% and 60%, if you count the amount of girls who meet again with me later for a date or something else.
But then again, I'm very picky about who I talk to and I count success as a connection between two people, so 80-100% wouldn't be an inaccurate way of describing it. Bottom line is - measuring "close rate" is so arbitrary and useless.
I guess I'm being a bit harsh on the poor guy. This is really sad, after all.
But be honest.
Let's say you had to choose one of these for the rest of your life, and you could have it just by waving a magic wand. Which one of these would you choose?
1. An endless flurry of dates with hot, gorgeous women.
Your phone is blowing up from hundreds and hundreds of amazingly beautiful women contacting you, begging you to go out with them and have sex with them.
Here's the catch:
- These women don't really resonate with you on any deeper level.
- Conversation is difficult. They don't really get your humor and you have to constantly explain what you mean.
- Their life goals seem meaningless and empty compared to yours. Your values seem completely incompatible.
- Sex seems only skin deep. You feel like you're not so much making love, but taking part in a porn movie.
2. A handful of incredibly attractive women with whom you share deep connections.
You have a handful of loyal, amazingly supportive, beautiful women in your life. They love you and support you. Each of these women is different, but you would call every one of them a soulmate. You laugh and cry together, and sex feels amazing on multiple levels. You love each other unconditionally.
Here's the catch:
- You have to give up the idea of being right.
- You have to stop blaming people.
- You have to be so comfortable with your most embarrassing flaws and failures that it wouldn't matter if the whole room was laughing at you.
- You have to pursue your own goals unapologetically, with complete disregard for anyone else's validation or approval.
- You have to learn to accept and love yourself AND everyone else.
I choose the latter. Every time. I don't care about quantity of women in my life, I care about quality.
As mature, thoughtful men, we strive to create genuine relationships with amazing people who fill our lives with joy.
We don't go out to collect conquests, like some poor soul desperately trying to earn bragging rights with the boys down at the pub.