If you’ve been around the self-improvement crowd for any length of time, you’ll have heard of the law of attraction.
People are claiming incredible results using this method, so it may have crossed your mind - can you use the law of attraction to get girls?
In short, yes you can. In fact, it’s the only way.
You’re ALWAYS attracting the thing you put out there. So the question really is: what do you need to express to the world to get girls back?
Let’s talk about that.
Shortcut - How to Use The Law of Attraction to Get Girls
The law of attraction states - whatever you project out into the world, that’s what you’ll receive in return. So how do you use this to attract your dream woman into your life? The short answer is:
If you make this shortlist into a shortlist of rules to live by, you’ll soon get the girls you want.
At this point you’re probably furrowing your brow with a slight doubt. How can this list of near clichés help you get anything? How would a girl know if you’re being these things or not?
More importantly, if the law of attraction is always in effect, why are you not attracting girls right now?
Truth is, as always, slightly more complicated than a checklist of buzzwords. To understand what’s actually happening, let’s take a deeper look into what the law of attraction is and why so many people overcomplicate it.
Rhonda Byrne’s Misguided Law of Attraction
In her book ‘The Secret’ Rhonda Byrne describes the law of attraction as a magic-like energy that vibrates throughout the universe. Kinda like The Force, then.
It’s a beautifully naive and simplistic idea of how interaction works between living things.
Rhonda Byrne has a very basic, extremely limited understanding of what happens in the human mind, and fills the massive gap in her knowledge with mysticism-garbage and endorsements from authoritative names. Unburdened by education or any knowledge of cognitive biases, she turns the law of attraction into some sort of controllable superpower, enough to cure diseases or manifest money in the mail at will.
Yes, I’m being very critical of this book and the people who endorse it. The message in The Secret is harmful. Without even realizing, it idolizes “positive thinking” and shames anything else. What, are we supposed to feel bad about not being positive all the time?
What about the people who don’t succeed in manifesting money into their mailbox? They will feel betrayed. They’ll probably be shunned by the LOA-community as “haters” or “not believing strongly enough” or other cult-garbage like that.
Here's a video from Professor Dave to explain why quantum mysticism and cults are prevalent and so, so stupid.
Thankfully we can examine the law of attraction without Rhonda Byrne’s misguided woowoo-garbage. Because as with so many self-help charlatans, her message has a half-truth to it.
Real World Explanation of The Law of Attraction
If you’re into the magic-thing, it’s time to grow up. When the law of attraction works, it’s simply a collection of cognitive biases and attracting specific people into your life. Call me a cynic, but I think reality is much more amazing than some make-believe wishful delusion.
The Secret would characterize the LOA as “manifesting reality with your thoughts” and it’s not … wrong. The description just lacks precision, enough to let the woo-meisters fill it with their sales propaganda.
The sort of reality you live in indeed begins with your thoughts and the way you think. These are what determine the actions you take and how you portray yourself in the world.
People are attracted to familiarity. In other words, likeminded people feel attracted to likeminded people.
That combined with a confirmation bias is what makes you feel like you control what appears in your life. Very much like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The Secret’s LOA
The Secret says you manifest negative people into your reality by thinking negative thoughts. As a result, you will have negative people in your life, claims the book.
While it’s a loose explanation lacking clarity, it’s mostly true. I have no major issue with The Secret when it comes to human relationships.
But I do like me some detail and precision.
So let's look at how it actually works.
The Real World LOA
Let’s fill in the details with how the law of attraction works in the real world.
Let’s say for example your mind is filled with the negative thought “all people hate you and want to hurt you.” (Sounds like an extreme example, but it’s a surprisingly common fear.)
Because of this belief, you will:
- Be very hesitant to share anything vulnerable about yourself. You will actually lean towards defensiveness in conversation.
- Avoid strangers to protect yourself.
- Hesitate to take risks with women or business because you’re convinced people will spew abuse at you.
- See more of the bad sides in people because of your confirmation bias towards an existing conclusion.
As a reaction to your way of thinking:
- Regular loving people will feel like you’re easily hurt, or even hiding something. They will start avoiding you because they don’t want to hurt you. They’ll also sense you don’t trust them so they just work with someone else.
- Surprisingly, the people who will soon after appear in your life are actual scumbags. Malevolent people who don’t care about you and actually want to take advantage of you. These people can be narcissistic, manipulating or simply unscrupulous actors trying to take advantage of you.
So the result is pretty much the same as with The Secret. Instead of “manifesting,” I feel a more productive description would be “you attracted the sort of people who felt comfortable in your company.”
Let’s look at another example.
Because The Secret is a massive hit among greedy lazy people who want money without actually putting in the work, obviously a major part is the acquisition of material possessions without any effort. Ie. getting quick riches.
The Secret’s LOA
This is how the book helps you you manifest a million dollars:
- Make a visionboard
- Visualize a million dollars
- Think positively and
- Send positive vibrations into the universe.
As a result, the universe will (allegedly) deliver you a million dollars.
In the real world though, The Secret-reader will be madly visualizing all this while sitting on their couch at home watching television, never getting anywhere. They hear stories about money coming in the mail and people getting their millions, while their own life doesn’t change one bit.
Clearly The Secret’s LOA is missing something critical to making this work for everyone. Let’s see how to make this work in the real world.
The Real World LOA
So you want a million dollars, okay. Let’s clarify that goal. Answer these questions about your goal:
- Why do you want a million dollars?
- When do you want this money?
- How do you want this money?
- How much do you have to make daily, for how long, to get there?
- How many people do you have to serve to earn this sum?
- Do you actually want a million dollars, or do you just want some specific lifestyle?
See how clear you need to be about your goal?
Then you figure out the intermediate steps to get there. You can look at people who began where you are and gained a million dollars and compare:
- Did they go to school?
- What actions do they take every day for their business? How many sales calls etc.
- How do they manage their income?
Suddenly you have a bunch of action steps to take.
Then you start thinking like a person who does the things the to-be-millionaire does. In other words, start thinking like a millionaire in:
- How you plan your day
- How you welcome people and opportunities
- How you set your boundaries
- How you treat relationships
- How you build habits
- How you face setbacks and failures etc.
These are the daily thoughts of a millionaire.
See how it all eventually comes to thoughts? Now we can take these steps and reverse engineer what it takes to be a millionaire, without wishful thinking or vision boards.
Even though this is a simplified timeline of many years, it's accurate. Unlike woowoo-garbage, this method is predictable and will work for everyone.
In the real world LOA, you take action towards becoming the person you want to be. In the bogus-woowoo-LOA, you wish you had what other people have.
Difference is, one of these fucking works.
Of course, what we’re ultimately interested in is how to use the LOA to get more beautiful women into our lives in a way that actually works, so let’s get into that.
How to use the Law of Attraction to Actually Attract Your Dream Girl
Now that we have a rudimentary idea of how the law of attraction works in real life, let’s see how we could use it to get more women into your life.
Remember that the law of attraction means that you attract what you project out into the world. Or more accurately, the people who are attracted to what you project will find you familiar and flock toward you.
Thought Exercise: Who and What Are You Attracting Now?
As the law of attraction is constantly at work, you’re attracting something or someone even now. Most guys do not attract girls. Or at the very least, they’re not attracting the type of girl they want to attract.
So take a look at your life. What type of people do you spend time with? What type of people seem to naturally navigate into your life? Do you hang out with girls daily, or is it a rare occurrence to see a woman in your circle of friends?
Also take a look at the opportunities that come into your life. Are you one of those guys who has a lottery win knocking at his door every day, or do you feel like nothing good ever comes your way?
Think about these questions for a bit. Done? Good.
Using LOA in Common Situations to Get Your Dream Girl
Let’s look at some very common life situations and what you need to change to attract your dream girl into your life.
Situation 1: You have very few women in your life
There are few or no girls in your life who you don’t refer to as mother or sister. If by chance you happen in the company of a female, she doesn’t stay for long. Here’s what you need to pay attention to:
- Get around women. Obvious, right? But you gotta start by becoming a man whose existence women are aware of in the first place.
- Get your shit together. Hygiene. Diet. Exercise. Get a fucken’ job.
- Focus on expansion. Change “I can’t,” to “How can I?”
- Ask better questions. “What can I do to change this?”
- Learn to let go and accept. A guy who has his shit together won’t give enough fucks to judge others. He has more important things to do.
- Think of life as an adventure and find your own adventure.
These actions will prime your mind and environment to accepting attractive women. In fact, simply doing these will most likely be enough to get you your dream girl.
Situation 2: You have women in your life, but you don’t find them attractive
You have girls in your circle of friends, but they’re either friends or you just don’t find them attractive.
- Say no more often. Being surrounded by people you don’t really want to be around is first of all a disservice to the people around you, but it’s a telltale sign that you’re avoiding the scary uncomfortable choice of saying NO.
- Look to life outside your group of friends. You’re stuck in a comfort zone while the world is full of women who might be more attractive to you.
- Never feel like you must be attracted to someone of this selected group. Remember that no woman is better than the wrong woman.
- Once you’ve cleared up time and space for YOU and YOUR life, refer to the solutions in Situation 1.
Situation 3: You have attractive women in your life, but they don’t find you attractive
You have plenty of hot women in your group who you’d love to get intimate with, but they don’t find you attractive. Frustrating situation, but easily rectified.
- Stop chasing. If a woman is unavailable to your advances, let her go. Remember that there are other women in the world. Instead, enjoy the fact that you have hot woman friends.
- Embrace your sexuality. If women don’t find you sexually attractive, it’s often a sign that you’re hiding your horniness. Men are taught to feel ashamed of telling women they’re hot. Never feel ashamed of expressing your feelings. NOTE: This only comes after you’ve learned to not chase. Let her go if she rejects your advances!
- After this, you might be stuck in a comfort zone of hot women who don’t find you attractive. Never feel like you need to find a girl from a handful of people. Let go of your group and go find life for yourself.
- Refer to solutions in Situation 2 and 1.
Fine-tuning Your Attraction Signals to Find YOUR Dream Girl
After looking through the 3 situations and their solutions, think of your dream woman and try to answer these questions.
- What company does she keep?
- What kind of men does she find attractive?
- Where does she hang out?
- What kind of music does she listen to?
- What kind of food does she eat?
- What makes her laugh?
Once you know the answer to these questions, ask yourself - are you the man who she will naturally veer towards? If you’re not, how can you become that man? Do you even WANT to become that man?
For example, if you love metal music, you might want that in your woman too. That could mean hanging out more in music circles and concert halls, or playing an instrument on Youtube for example.
Or if you have a favorite restaurant that serves delicious food, maybe you’ve seen your dream girl there without knowing. Keep an eye out and remember to say hello if you see her.
Fine-tuning your attraction signals means getting vulnerable and in touch with your inner self. This is red hot attraction fuel for your dream girl in particular. It’s one thing to get girls attracted to you, and quite another to attract your DREAM woman.
Now you know what to do. But how in the world will you be able to control all of this? So many moving parts and you’re supposed to remember all of it? Luckily there’s a simple exercise to help you become aware of what you’re projecting out into the world right now. And once you become aware of it, you can control it.
How to Become Aware and Control What You Project
By this point, you must feel a ton of different doubts knocking at your mental door. “This is insanely difficult” or “I don’t even know where to start.” This is completely normal.
You don’t have to fight this resistance, don’t worry.
All you have to do is become aware of what you’re projecting out into the world. The rest will take care of itself in due time. The way we gain this awareness is through mindfulness meditation.
How to Do Mindfulness Meditation
First, don’t be put off by the term “meditation.” If it makes you feel more comfortable, you can replace that with “stillness.” It’s a very simple exercise, but the benefits are immense. Here’s how you do it:
1. Sit down and close your eyes.
2. Observe your thoughts and feelings for 20-30 minutes.
3. Repeat daily. That’s it.
Something very important to notice when you’re doing mindfulness meditation is the judgements you have about what’s happening. Do your best to let go of these judgements.
- If you feel bored about sitting there, tell yourself “I love that I feel bored.”
- If an awkward memory comes up about the embarrassing thing you did in 5th grade, tell yourself “I love that I feel embarrassed.”
- If an angry thought comes up about how your mother treated you when you were young, tell yourself “I’m safe now and I love that.”
This process of running through your list of emotions and accepting them will make it easier to be aware of what’s going on inside you because you’re not busy judging yourself. A routine of acceptance will soon give you deep insight into what’s going on within you, which in turn will help you understand what others are seeing from you.
It’s essentially a shortcut for taking control of the law of attraction.
What’s your situation with women? What’s your experience with the law of attraction? Let us know in the comments!